February 2012
7 posts
.Silly girl.
I should have known, I should have known…
“Baby i promise you.. Nothin ll effect us. You ll always the same fr me.. I ll...”
– I wish you never promised me the world. You gave me a taste and then took it all away.
.Promise me?.
And it kills me everytime I think of your future without me.
January 2012
23 posts
.Blood.
You know how they say, blood runs thicker than water. No matter what, you always have your family to turn to.
Family requires unconditional loving. No matter what happens, blood is thicker than water.
You may hate them at times. You may feel annoyed and irritated sometimes. But you love, with all your heart, and without a solid reason too.
You see, when I called you my future husband a year...
.Suicide.
And then suddenly, I remembered this guy I knew during my exchange year. We spoke only a handful of times while some friends and I sat in the school courtyard smoking.
The news of his suicide hit my friends hard.
Apparently, he had a countdown on his chat profile. A countdown to his own suicide. No one believed him. They thought he was just kidding. So no one asked him about it. No one...
“Nobody has the right to look down on you. Don’t ever think less of...”
– My boyfriend, Abbas Khan (He says the sweetest things sometimes)
.There's the door, use it.
If you think I’m not worth sticking around for, waiting around for, you are free to leave.
.Tradition.
There’s no more of that.
None of my favourite words to say and hear. None of the way I would say “hugs and kisses” while you go “kisses and hugs” cause it’s just one of our little silly inside thing. None of those must-send goodnight text that includes every single goodnight sentiment along with almost all those special petnames meant only for one another.
...
.Unfaithful.
Even the thought of it has the power to break your heart into a million tiny pieces…
.Something funny.
Hahahaha. Wanna hear something funny? Hahahaha.
There was a time you would do a lot to just be able to contact me. Now?
That’s the funny part…
.Time heals?.
After some time, you get used to being treated like you’re unwanted.
Love is what makes you stick around.
.Afraid.
I have been on crying fits a couple of times everyday now. Thinking to myself, he doesn’t love me. Thinking to myself, how could this have happened. Thinking to myself, why was I so stupid not to appreciate you like I should’ve.
I really can’t help it. I feel like these tears just won’t end.
And then I’ll calm myself down… But it gets worse.
Thinking, he...
.My choice... What's yours?.
And then, it comes down to this.
Do I want to be sad now, but end up the happiest girl in the world.
Or do I want to mend this hurt and be happy, but not achieve the kind of happiness I want for myself in the future.
I want you, and I know we can be happy, together. So I’ll just be patient and pray you see me like I do you.
.What he said.
So…
30th December 2011 - I sure hope no other date can beat this in the amount of pain it bears to me.
You love me, but…
…you don’t care about me anymore.
You love me, but…
…you aren’t afraid of losing me anymore.
You love me, but…
…you don’t feel like making me feel better when I’m down.
I’m trying my very best...
“I am damaged at best, like you’ve already figured out. I’m falling...”
– Broken, Lighthouse
.I'm waiting.
Not a single moment passes, that I don’t hear you in my head calling me bewee. Not a single memory flashes pass, that I don’t keep seeing fw written from you to me.
Waiting like this hurts… Every day that I don’t hear or read those meaningful words just kills me inside. I bear it, only because of this hope in me that one day you’ll say those sweet words to me once...
December 2011
34 posts
.It gets hard not to take things to heart.
Sometimes I just can’t wrap my head around the fact… what you told me… that you don’t care about me anymore.
.Hold on to my pillow tight.
I thought we’d be together always.
.What happened to?.
What ever happened to the guy who chased after me, who would spend hours online awaiting my facebook message reply, who would text me first wanting to know all about me.
What ever happened to the guy who always held my hand, who always looked at me with a smile on his face, who always wanted to tell me how his day was.
What ever happened to the guy who would text me long after I was fast...
.Dear Hund.
Your English sucks! Please stop writing in English as if you have an excellent command of it.
I use to laugh at your horrid grammar but now I’m just annoyed at how well you think you speak.
.Indescribable.
All I could think of was that I wouldn’t let you leave until I heard what my heart wanted to hear.
You wouldn’t look at me… I knew it would’ve broken you… And I understand fh.
But the look in your eyes when you finally did… The pain I saw that reflected my own…
Your hand finally closing over mine…
Sweetheart, I was so happy… Thank...
.Thank you.
I’m so happy… :’) Thank you my love…
.Please.
What I would give to have you back with me…
.Text history.
I’m glad I kept some old texts. I hope you remember how it felt. I hope you remember…
.I don't love you.
Your promises meant nothing…
Your words meant nothing…
I meant nothing…